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The Gusher

The Gusher

It was a beautiful summer's evening and I was in a bar with my friends in Grunerløkka in Oslo, Norway. We were drinking shots and there was a woman sitting at a nearby table. She looked quite hot in this little tube top and skinny jeans. I thought I would go and ask how she was and why she was alone. I struck up a conversation and she told me her name was Siren, 26 years old and a travel agent. Little did I know that bringing this girl home would give me the shock of my life!

As Siren lived in the outskirts of Oslo, she asked if she could spend the night at my place in the west end, Skøyen. Nothing had happened between us at this point, but I saw this as a clear signal that she wanted something more, and she even offered to pay for the taxi, so I thought "why not?".

Back at my place, we started kissing on the sofa. I was really taken aback when she undressed, as it was dawning on me that this was not the body of a young woman. This prompted me to inspect her face more closely and that's when I first noticed all the wrinkles. Siren must have been in her mid-40s. At least!  As a 24-year-old myself, I felt like a mug for not realising this earlier. I was being seduced by a cougar, old enough to be my mother!

Now that I was in this situation, I figured I might as well see what this sexy, older lady could teach me. She did look great for age, after all. We moved to my bedroom and started getting intimate. She sat on top of me and all of a sudden I felt a gush of warm water pouring all over my stomach. I totally freaked out: " Why the #%*! did you pee on me"?!

She laughed and explained "this is just what happens when I have fun..." It turns out she was a gusher. I had never heard of this phenomenon before, and was just shocked and grossed out. I guess some men find that a turn on, but personally, I just found it annoying and very messy. 

My whole bed was wet and it disgusted me to think that my brand new mattress was soaked in that stuff. I'm quite a tidy and organised person and lying in this wet pool the whole night I just couldn't sleep. The smell was starting to make me feel nauseous. Finally, at 7am I couldn't take it any longer and asked her to leave. I made up some excuse about my mother coming for breakfast. Siren finally took the hint and left.

The Gusher

My flatmate came home a bit later and I explained what had happened. We decided to try to wash my Superking size mattress, but it couldn't fit it in the shower. Our next door neighbours were a bunch of girls and we asked if we could wash my mattress in their bathtub. So there I was in their apartment, scrubbing and hosing down my brand new mattress for about an hour.

The mattress got twice as heavy with all the water in it, so we all struggled to carry it outside and onto the balcony. The girls thought it was hilarious. Luckily, it was a sunny week in August, but it still took 4 days for the mattress to dry in the sun. After that awful experience, I swore I would never risk having a one-night stand again...

Male, 32, Oslo

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